Boy loves fish 25-05-09

I like Japanese art so on Saturday we went to see the Kuniyoshi exhibition in the Academy of Art near Piccadilly. My friend Gem needs culture according to her dad so by assisting her in the obtaining of this I appear wise and eligible. I was keen to experiment with driving into London and finding a tube station to catch a train, in my mind a cunning and efficient travel solution.
We got somewhere near St John’s Wood, incidentally the only tube station name in London that does not contain any of the letters in the word ‘mackerel’, and found a very expensive underground car park full of Aston martins and porsches, that also seemed to feature many fake doors and false exits designed to trap the unwary, possessing the air of a convenient place to dump stolen vehicles or unwanted corpses.
We discovered immediately that the trains were not running from this station and instead caught buses, but this presented me with further dangers as I discovered I don’t know how to use an oyster card. The bus driver took advantage of me until I flapped my card repeatedly at the scanner and then got stuck in the door. This was in Baker Street and reminded me that no matter how comfortable one feels with technology one is seldom far from humiliation.
The exhibition was notable for the “warrior art” such as a boy wrestling a large fish or giant toad and also some strange pictures of apparently ordinary scenes with something untoward in the background, such as a lady snoozing and drooling in a room while behind her a giant octopus attacks and consumes a ship.
We had bonus time and managed to go to the Science museum, a place I have always feared because of all the children touching the little puzzly experiments before me, leaving me with an urgent need to wash my hands. On this occasion we avoided the horrid, inquisitive little things and learned about plastic and other materials instead. We also went to a coffee shop but I don’t like these places as they are too formal and require me to know what to do, and I don’t know where I am meant to stand, sit, say etc, or when to go and pay the bill or make polite conversation. They had some good pots of sauce on the table.
Yesterday I went to Yoga class in the morning. The lady who teaches it is very bendy and has poked me on both occasions when I have been, sneakily when nobody else could see. Most of the postures are ok but I am not yet comfortable taking one breath every 2 minutes or sitting there flapping my legs and making hummingbird sounds. Also I have issues collecting cosmic energy from my spiritual entity of choice as shining globes in my hands and absorbing them into my solar plexus as I don’t know where my solar plexus is and I’m not allowed to open my eyes and see what the others are doing. So I’m probably putting my globes of energy in the wrong place, which presumably may have dire consequences.