The Shower/Egg Theory - disambiguation

A number of people have recently got in contact with me to demand more information on the Shower/Egg Theory. This rising clamour for advice has the potential to spill over into riots. Therefore, even though there is already a wealth of reference material in the public domain, as the founder of the theory I feel it is now time to clarify my own views, and my current understanding of the topic, not to mention its profound consequences.
The Shower/Egg Theory can be stated simply as follows:
A person must take at least (X+1) showers in a given day, where X represents the number of Egg-based meals consumed on that day.
So to put that in a practical context, let’s say that a random individual wakes up in the morning and promptly takes a shower. At this point he can obviously be considered to be clean.
However, if that same person were then to consume an Egg-based meal such as scrambled eggs, he is considered to be carrying what is termed a ‘Shower/Egg deficit’ of 1 (Unity). Inevitably, if this condition persists, the remainder of his day will be associated with discomfort, anxiety and misfortune.
The basic solution for that person is to take another shower, thus correcting his Shower/Egg deficit. In other words, we must all keep a strict eye on the number of Egg-based meals we consume in a day, and ensure we take one more shower than that number.
It is important to review the government guidelines on what constitutes an Egg-based meal. ‘To be considered Egg- based, a meal must retain a clear state of “egginess”; that is to say, a mushy, unpalatable, yellowish consistency and/or a faintly nauseating poultry-like scent.’ Egg-based meals therefore include, but are not limited to, Fry-ups, boiled eggs, omelettes, egg-fried rice etc.
I am not ashamed to say that I found myself carrying an egg deficit earlier this evening after an unplanned omelette session. I would describe my psychological state at that time to have been troubled; I found myself feeling queasy, confused, unable to focus on simple everyday tasks… my speech became heavily slurred, indicating retardedness. Physically I began to shake and my decision-making ability, usually so just and sensible, became erratic and potentially dangerous.
These are known side-effects of egg deficit. As I became aware of the problem, I quickly took a shower and regained my usual senses.
For more information on this, or any of my other theories, please respond to me, Paul Harland, directly.