Piss up / Outdoor bath

Yesterday it was again raining cats and the species that shall not be named so i went on a totally inappropriate jaunt into the mountains around Kyoto. The villages up there are called Kibune and Kurama. Going to Kibune was not entirely worthwhile as there was nothing there, but I walked for 1 hour over a mountain and arrived in Kurama. Here I had an ice cream and then went to the onsen.
An onsen is a hot spring resort found all over japan, most commonly in hilly areas where the water is believed to be capable of healing pretty much anything. It was basically really nice and hot, a little pool to sit in and look at the autumn foliage on the opposite site of the valley, while listening to the water coming in from a little spout, and trying to ignore the vastly overweight, bearded, naked man from osaka splashing around hopelessly at the other end of the spa like a blind whale.
It was just me and him mostly and we talked about some stuff, although my bit was in english and his was in japanese, so the likelihood that we were actually discussing the same thing seems fairly remote.
I stayed there for about an hour, until the overwhelming heat began to give me a headache. Then I got out and tried to take a photo of the steaming bath without being seen doing do and hence being taken for just another western pervert. I got the train back down to Kyoto and visited the International Manga Museum, somewhat not what i had expected, then retreated to my lodgings and made the mistake of going out drinking with half a dozen guys from various former colonies, and spent the night in reggae bars listening to Snow's Informer (1992).
This morning required a pretty enormous breakfast, fortunately one where unlimited orange juice was on the table, and then i jumped back on the train to this place- it is called 'Takayama' and is located in the western part of the japan alps. I am staying in a Zen Buddhist temple, an experience known as 'Shukubo' in which i sleep like a monk and stuff. There's a temple where I may go and meditate for some minutes if i feel so inclined, and there is a curious underground dark tunnel, which apparently i can go into to try to locate the 'key of enlightenment'. There is also a kitchen with unlimited green tea.
There is a playstation but the abbot only has really poor games like dance dance revolution 1 & 2, i may sit him down later and tell him that although he may know Zen, he doesn't know crap when it comes to games.
Takayama is noted for the continued presence of traditional japanese houses, such as sake breweries and others. There is a morning market, which i shall hopefully go to tomorrow and also an open air museum of old houses.
The weather is really nice now but it is bitterly cold. There is a pretty deadly looking kerosene heater in my temple room, but thankfully also an electric blanket.

Temples overload

I have been in Kyoto the past 2 days. It seems like all of Japan is here too - yesterday was 15th November, hence apparently the 3/5/7 festival, in which children of ages 3 5 and 7 dress up unwillingly in kimonos and visit shrines and temples. This will hopefully make my photos a bit more interesting at least, nothing like a whining child to brighten an otherwise tediously positive photo.
I am a bit confused, when I arrived here and went into shops the japanese invariably call something liek "rashmashee" in a friendly voice. At first i didn't know what this was, assumed it was a greeting, and said it back. Then i got a vague memory that they answer the phone with mushymushy, and i started saying this, but then i got scared and thought that MushyMushy must be what people in the arctic say to start their dogs moving, so how could it be that? So I figured out that the shopkeepers are saying "Irashimassee" which means welcome, although i don't really know what the correct response is, so I say Konnichiwa. But now the man next to me who is trying to use skype is clearly saying MushyMushy. So it must be acceptable, Or he is an eskimo skyping his dogs.
Everyone spent today trying to take the perfect photo of autumn foliage. I travelled around on a hired bicycle, it was quite rubbish but at least this ensures it doesn't get nicked. At one point i rammed a guy on a motorbike, this was not a sensible fight to pick, but i lived to tell the tale.
Now he's just saying hi...hi...hi...hi..chang...hi...hi.., poor chap, but then that's skype for you.
This evening i had a kind of omelette with treacle. One feature of japanese food is that they like to put something soft in the centre of everything. I bought 2 slices of cheese on toast from somewhere, result i thought, until i found it had custard in the middle.
I have a plan to go and try to see the sumo wrestling tournament in fukuoka this weekend. Another good thing here is that you can swear and get away with it... just quickly thing of a place name that starts with your chosen swear word and construct a sentence to follow.

correction- regarding rain.

I'm a bit disappointed about that, the phrase I was attempting to use 2 posts back was "It was raining cats and Banned Animals", a reference obviously to the fact that i don't get on with hounds, but because i put it in strange characters on a dodgy japanese keyboard, it just came out as "cats and".
Rubbish.

unusual sleep

Ｉ　ｈａｖｅ　ｅｘｐｅｒｉｅｎｃｅｄ　ｓｏｍｅ　ｖｅｒｙ　ｕｎｕｓｕａｌ　ｓｌｅｅｐｉｎｇ　ａｒｒａｎｇｅｍｅｎｔｓ　ｉｎ　ｔｈｅ　ｐａｓｔ　４８　ｈｏｕｒｓ。　Ｈｅｎｃｅ　ｔｈｅ　ｔｉｔｌｅ　ｏｆ　ｔｈｉｓ　ｂｌｏｇ．Ａｆｔｅｒ　ｍｙ　ｄａｙ　ｌｏｏｋｉｎｇ　ａｔ　ｔｅｍｐｌｅｓ　ｉｎ　ｎａｒａ，　ｉ　ｒｅｔｕｒｎｅｄ　ｔｏ　ｍｙ　ｐｌａｃｅ　ｏｆ　ｒｅｓｔ　ｆｏｒ　ｔｈｅ　ｅｖｅｎｉｎｇ．　　This was a ryokan, or traditional japanese inn. It had paper windows and tatami mats in the rooms, which are in fact used as a unit of measurement. 1 tatami is about 1.5 sq meters apparently. For example a large spa pool may be rated at 100 tatamis. The lady there was very nice and made me take off my shoes and replace them with generic slippers, in brown. then i made my way upstairs and found a little tea set on a very low table, and i made a cup of green tea. the kettle took a long time to boil.Then i found a blue thing in the cupboard -this was a yukata, or simple japanese night robe, like a cheap kimono. i put this on and did internet. The ryokan did not have showers in the rooms, just a common bath on the ground floor, and by bath they meant bath. Nobody came into the bath with me when i was in there, which was a relief, for it was not all that large. in fact it was tapered, so i don:t know what we would have done if someone had come along - maybe sit next to each other, or else at opposite ends and try to minimise intimacy of leg brushing. Without doubt, all bars of soap would have been tightly clutched.I had a very good night`s sleep, but for a strange nightmare involving someone throwing eels on my face whike i lay there.I have so far damaged one paper window wtih careless swinging of my umbrella, but i:ve noticed that they quite often have to replace single panels in the paperwork. So i`m not the only muppet.The next day i went on 11 modes of transport in order to spend the day in Koya San, a mountain temple complex. This was another impressive place, so i took photos of it.eventually i got back down the mountain and made my way to osaka, to try out the "Capsule hotel". I actually thought it was quite nice. you put your shoes in a locker, then give them the key and you get another key to another locker-this is where you will put your things. then you get changed, and basically get into your box and sleep. they adamantly refer to it as your "room" when you check in, despite it being only 2 cubic meters or so, i went for a slightly larger one, for greater comfort. The only thing wrong was i didn:t sleep all that well because the holes don:t have doors, just curtains. so you can hear all the drunks coming in. you get a tv, with some decidedly mature entertainment on channel 1, a radio and an alarm.The complication was the attached sauna. This was a man-only hotel, a new experience, and that should already have been a concern. Again there was no private washing area, but in this case a massive set of rooms with pools and saunas and showering places, full of naked people and or people in hideous "sauna pants", provided when entering. This must be what it is like at the ymca methinks.When i went into the sauna i locked my bits into another locker. i got really confused at this point about all the lockers involved.Today i went to see himeji castle, another big points score on the harland sighting scale, and now i am in hiroshima, a place with an interesting history. There are some monuments to the bomb victims and a museum, which was quite powerful actually. in an emotional sense.I thought my bag had been stolen today, but i had put in in locker 789, and then put my money into 788 and locked that one up instead. what a tit!Low quality writing caused by tiredness - my apologies.

Osaka and useful signage

yesterday morning it was raining the proverbial cats and so i decided i would not let it piss on my day in kyoto and i would instead jump on the shinkansen to osaka.　
Osaka is a very large place, I calculate the 3rd largest city in Japan. First I went to the aquarium, because it has a roof. Osaka aquarium is very impressive and features whale sharks in the middle. Whale sharks are the biggest fish in the sea. I felt ever so slightly sorry for these as they looked a bit like 2 guinea pigs in a shoebox, with not a lot to do except follow each other round, not having many options other than to move into the space that the other one is trying to move out of. Fortunately they were only 5m long; if they had been fully big whale sharks they would have had to be folded in half to be shoved into the tank in the first place. Somewhat like a baguette being inserted into a carrier bag.
At the start was a model whale shark wearing a santa hat, beside which I had a photo taken. Then I went up a big escalator to the top, and made my way back down slowly past otters, dolphins, and assorted fish. Also octopi, jellyfish and other such things. At the end there was a petting area, oddly featuring a capybara.
There was also a shark and ray stroking area, which hayley would have loved. I didn’t think there were many creatures in there at first, but then I saw a large pile of sharks in the end, sleeping apparently. These were only toy sharks, about 18 inches long or so, in a variety of colours. I found that the rays and the first few sharks were smooth and quite squeezable, however my attempt to impress the blonde Australian who was following me around fell somewhat short as I chose that moment to stroke the black shark, which had rough skin, and I pretty much leapt off the floor in terror. A notice here caught my eye:
“sting rays have dangerous barbs in their tails, which can kill people. However the barbs in these rays have been shortened” – oh that’s great, so thanks very much for shortening them, I would hate to know that the dangerous bit had been removed entirely…
After that I went to Osaka Castle and took loads of pictures, and answered a questionnaire which was in Japanese. Then I checked out the pachinko parlours and managed to find a sign that explained how to play. I did not have a go however.
It was still raining quite a lot, but I had borrowed a very manly black umbrella, which I used as an imitation sword. Japanese people don’t do this with their umbrellas, it would seem.
The last thing I did was to visit Umeda Sky Building, a new tower that is structurally not dissimilar to a polo balanced on top of 2 thin sticks. At the top are some glassed in escalators that take you across empty space through the middle of the hole 40 storeys up, this was mostly terrifying. Then you go out on the top and for some reason all I could think about was earthquakes. Basically if there’s one now, don’t even bother...
The view was impressive, all the way across Osaka in the East out to Kobe in the west. Can’t really describe it but it’s pretty cool to be able to see an aeroplane come all the way in and land. I noticed that there was nothing to stop me throwing my umbrella into the ‘hole’ and it falling to kill some Japanese man down below. “Don’t go over handrail” said another helpful sign.
Today I have gone on to Nara, the first permanent capital of Japan, about 1300 years ago. There are some very old temples here, most impressively Todai Ji, which features the largest wooden building in the world, a hall called the Daibutsu-den, containing a large bronze and gold Buddha called the Daibutsu. Also there are 1700 deer. I visited a shrine in the woods as well, this being called Kasuga Taisha, but was prevented entry by some kind of tedious ceremony in which a man in a white habit was positioning things on his mat. I did notice however an interesting thing, in that what I took to be a sheet of music I could see was written in Kanji script, i.e not our sheet music. This is probably not surprising, but as Vincent Vega pointed out, it’s the little things.
After that I visited a traditional Japanese house and went in some shops.
Other interesting discoveries:
The existence of a ‘ladies only’ carriage in the train;
The Japanese form two orderly lines for train doors, not like our vermin-like scrum for access;
Today I saw a tshirt slogan telling me about ‘opinion polls’ – a first for me;
A lot of them wear white surgery masks to keep the bugs off. This is fine, but it is a bit unsettling when the shop assistants do it and eye you facelessly when you enter;
There is a shop that sells the plastic models that depict plates of food, which restaurants use to illustrate what meals look like, and so that westerners can easily point to order. This really caused me problems, because I was hungry and went to order something I fancied and he just picked up the plastic thing and shoved it in a bag. This was not what I had in mind…

Tokyo, Fish and Geisha

Hello from Japan.
I got here on Saturday, it's a long way from home and i keep waking up at 4.30 and wandering out into the Tokyo night to try to see some sights, before realising that it's still dark and nobody wants me to be out yet. My average start time on this trip so far has been unbelievable, but well worthwhile, for example i had to get up at 4.40am to go and see the tokyo tzukiji fish market, where all the morning tuna comes in and restaurant types bid for it. This was a bit of a mixed interest for me as i do care about the tuna, time magazine only last week described the bluefin tuna as one of the ocean's most majestic beasts, and they will soon be extinct, but then on the other hand it does taste very nice. I don't think my presence there has any effect for or against the japanese fishing it so never mind. It was fascinating and pretty dangerous, especially in a morning daze, hundreds of little carts zooming around with great big tuna on the back, (they are about 5 feet long mostly).I saw how they prepare the tuna by cutting it off the bone with a massive sword, then one of the spines was getting discarded possibly and some other man manged to muscle in and convince the owner to let him try some scraps of the raw fish, and then i got in there too. it was lovely, a bit bloody in places, but the man added some soy sauce, which just balances the flavour in a lovely way. Even the way to get it off the bone was cool -we used half a shell of a scallop or some such, which is just the right shape to scoop it out.
In other news i am staying in the same hotel as robert pattinson, he who is in Twilight, who was supposed to be leaving back to usa until he met me, and he said i just make him really happy and therefore we have both stayed here. We are basically sharing the top floor of the tokyo Park Hyatt. It's a bit like the 2003 fillm 'lost in translation' but with men instead of Scarlett Johannson. He's asked me to take him back to see 'High Wycombe', but i'm not sure I will do it. Not sure I can fit him in.
I have been to Yasukuni shrine, this is controversial because it honours the japanese war dead, and the tokyo museum, asakusa Senso-Ji temple, Akiba electronics place, Shinjuku area and some other stuff. Shibuya crossing is very cool, this is the place with diagonal pedestrian crossings and big TV screens on the buildings. Here there was a 'Standing Sushi bar' where you stand up while having sushi. I ordered things in Japanese. Then like a muppet of true harland proportions I decided that the green powdered substance must be powdered wasabi (it was actually green tea).
In this vicinity is also many love hotels, i was disappointed by this though. They are supposed to have exotic themes like arabian palace or undersea paradise but they are just hotel-room like. The entrance is through a sneaky door and the receptionist cannot see you, and on the wall are illuminated pictures of the rooms. Perhaps all the good ones were already 'taken'. The pricing is as follows: 8 hours "Sleep" ~ 7000Yen; 3 hours "Rest" ~ 3000Yen.
My trusted packet of chocolate caramel digestives are serving me well. However in the flight they suffered a bit, and all fused stickily together, so that what i now have is the cylindrical god of all twixes. It is 6 inches long and 2 inches in diameter. I calculate that its volume is 19 cubic inches.
Today was pretty cool. I got on the Shinkansen and travelled to Kyoto, which was the capital of Japan from 794 until the Meiji Restoration in 1868 (which was when the imperial family was reinstated at the expense of the shogun). This means it is the most interesting city in Japan. This took 2.5 hours. On the way I managed to see Mount Fuji, an unexpected bonus. I have taken a photo of it- it is very striking, while all other mountains in that bit are quite flat looking.
Then I found out that in the Gion Kaiken, the geishas were performing the last dance of the autumnal season today at 4pm. This remarkable coincidence caused me to buy a ticket immediately, and make my way there. Gion is the most famous Geisha district in Japan, and is found in the east of Kyoto. This strange afternoon involved a tea ceremony in which the geisha methodically spoons hot water into a cup, stirs it with some kind of hair clip, then another apprentice geisha 'Maiko' brings it to the crowd. Then I went into a theatre and they performed 6 dances, which was excellent I thought. There were maybe 7 geisha and 6 apprentices or so. Also 3 women playing the 'Shamisen' a traditional 3-stringed insturment, and 3 other women singing. The dancing is not exactly drum and bass where tempo is considered, and is elegant and appears to have the purpose of storytelling. I believe one was a story about some cats and some birds they wanted to kill.
Otherwise today I rambled around the streets of Gion quite a bit in the rain, but only saw 2 very young geisha sat on a bench. However there are many ladies in kimono and i tried to get photogrpahed with some of them. I have been to a couple of other temples - it ius a good time to be here as the autumn 'Koyo' season is in the kyoto area. This means the trees are in various different colours...
That will do for now. Thank you for reading. I will now contemplate how the intermittent rain shall affect my actions tomorrow.