Cat and Brick Group annual review.

These are the annual financial reports for Cat and Brick Insurance, for the review of the Cat and Brick Group Board.

They have been verified by the CEO Paul Robert Harland and the shareholders have deemed the results "pleasing".

This year Cat and Brick Insurance expanded its total number of customers from 0 to 1. This represents an infinite increase in the number of customers in the UK. It has been commented that this remarkable percentage rise is a key indicator of a recovery in the grass roots economy.

Demographically speaking the majority of our current customers are irritable, pirate-like folk working in the catering industry.

As at the end of March our customers have made zero claims against The Policy. Our profits are therefore equal to 100% of revenue. This record is remarkable and quite clearly the envy of all other insurance brokers in the country.

The number of shareholders in Cat and Brick insurance has remained comfortingly consistent, with a total of 1. Majority shareholder Paul Robert Harland is currently in possession of all 1 billion shares, which have an (estimated) market value of £1.27 each.

Currently none of our customers have registered any complaints about our claims process in the past year. It is assumed based on this that the claims team head-count is sufficient.

At the current time we have no staff and therefore labour overheads are non-existent.

Charitable donations this year have already exceeded £20.00.

At present it has not been considered necessary by the management to specify The Policy in writing. This streamlined and flexible concept is seen as ground-breaking in the Insurance industry. It is perfectly aligned to our marketing themes for 2010.

Our marketing this year has been strongly themed around the 'Don't ask - just buy' slogan. Our growth in market share attests to the unique, edgy impact that this message carries.

The existence of a healthy customer base has enabled us to operate in a more tax-efficient manner – we no longer have to pay insignificance tax, the tax on pointless and ill-fated enterprises that lack the potential for future growth.

The shady, Spanish Santander Group evidently now consider us a direct opponent and a business threat. This is demonstrated by the unexplained, persistent appearance of flat-chested girls at our recruitment drives, dressing up in giant white jaguar outfits, making a mockery of our sharp new branding, and undermining our interviewing methods by responding to each question with the word, ‘Que?’ It is clear they want us out of this market. They will not succeed.

For more information, if you wish to purchase Insurance or to make a fair offer to any of our shareholders please get in touch with our Customer relations team.